Character Development

I think there are some things that help contribute to fine character in our children, but ironically may be clearly linked with higher levels of insanity in mothers. This is not news to you. Many of you have experienced it. Let me see if I can succinctly explain things: Piano Lessons! How about Elementary School room Mother... Or...you fill in the blank.
Let's take Piano Lessons. There is not doubt that a child learning to play a musical instrument will expand their mind and increase their talents. However, as every mother knows---a 30 or 45 minute lesson is only one day a week---and the mom oversees the rest of the days of practicing. The pain level of this daily practicing of course varies according to the personality of the child. Some children are parents pleasers (uh...I'll take a bakers dozen please) and desire to accomplish the goals you have discussed together. However parent pleasers are in the minority and probably are stamped in heaven as "ONE PER FAMILY" How else would we ever grow as parents? Besides I've never been a parent pleaser (although I'm not wicked right dad?--hee hee) and I have been doomed to receive children like unto myself since the day my mother pronounced that curse rather loudly. Sigh.
The rest of the cute kiddos range from "drama daily at the piano", to "see how long I can draw out this one song, and then slip out the door to school," to various other levels of crazy frustration. It's true. Sadly.
Well I teach my kids piano. That's ironic---I really don't play. I can see my parents rolling their eyes right now (yes I did have lessons---no I did not practice) However, I do have a degree is music (dance and theatre), and so far once we get past the painful first year of power struggle and recognizing notes, timing and etc, we break into a viable learning pattern. Gulp. Viable some days. Painful on others.
However, in exploring other topics of insanity inducing...er I mean character development for children I have developed a few other doosies of my own.
Each of my kiddos has a chore chart. On the chart are their responsibilities listed to accomplish everyday. Their are incentives and expectations. Their charts include: Bed Making, Tidy room, scripture study and other items you would expect in addition to piano practice. But we also have on there: Secret Somethings and Kind Words.
Even in writing this, my stomach goes in knots and I wonder---is this the right path for character, or is it a quicker road to insanity?
Secret Somethings are little acts of service that are done around the house for people in the family. They are supposed to be done secretly---so that only the doer knows what service is being placed, but we often try to avert our eyes if we walk in upon someone putting away shoes or making a bed. You know the paraphrased scripture: Don't let your right hand know what your left hand is doing. Well that's our little way of practicing this gearing up for the big world out there. Also---teach your children to love and serve each other. (Good Ol King Benjamin) Really it's perfect on paper and it's actually not too bad put into practice either. Each of my kiddos is supposed to do 3 secret somethings daily. Pop and Bear are just getting the hang of things, but the older 3 know how to get it done.
Now, ideally we connect the dots and learn to serve one another inside and outside of the family. We occasionally have a service that has gone amiss as a child screams out "Who put away my shoes? I had them right by my backpack to go to school" (But someone inadvertently serviced those shoes away). Or missing papers or homework was stacked into the recycling (secretly) and now important papers are MIA. I guess the mishaps are rare and when the merciful stars align...powerful secret somethings are terrific!
For example, Big D read books to Pop in the morning this week when she was feeling blue...all before school. Mc helped Lissa pick out clothes and did her hair on a day she was headed to a birthday party. Lissa played Little Pet Shop with Bear (even though she doesn't love to) And etc. Mc has loaded up the breakfast dishes for me (secretly---although I know it was her). It can be truly great.
How about Kind Words. This one makes by hubby laugh. The point of it is to help our kiddos look for the good in others. We can teach the 1/2 full 1/2 empty concept about things and people! Essentially Kind Words are compliments. Mark Twain said something to the fact that he could live off a good compliment for a month! It's true! It's great to have the good pointed out! So many point out the bad, negative, not good enough....
Anyway, my kiddos also are supposed to say 3 kind things to anyone of their choosing (family or not) pointing out a talent, a good job or etc. This one is definitely a work in progress (giggling here) Often times Dan and I will receive robotic type compliments in the morning "Dad you're the best dad I ever had!" with a quick squeeze. Sometimes kind words are chucked at someone playing the piano "Wow, you are a good piano player!" to which the quick retort is either "I can't hear you" or "You can't say kind words while at the piano" (Does this sound like insanity to anyone but me?)
Anyway, I would say that we are running about 50/50 on this one. 50% we're tossing around a few kind words hoping to knock off our chore chart, but the other 50% of the time, we really are passing out thought out kindnesses that result in a true hug or smile. Bear, our four year old came to me a couple weeks ago and said "mom, when can I start saying compsements?" (no typo---he really didn't know quite how to say it!) Instantly we upped the insanity and told that little Bear that he could say Kind Words any time he felt like it!
Now what do you think? Insanity? Or character Building?